Cows and political systems

Republican, American style

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

Democrat, American style

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

Capitalism, American dream

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

Socialism

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Communism

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

Bureaucracy, European Union style

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you not to milk one, milks the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

Political Correctness

You are "associated with" (the concept of "ownership" is an expression of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, and chauvinistic past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Feminism

You have two cows.
They get married and adopt a veal calf.

Totalitarianism

You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned.

Counter Culture

Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man.
You got to have some of this milk.

Surrealism

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Danish Municipality, Farum style

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and takes out a loan on the second one.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your popularity goes up.

Democracy, Florida style

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

Californian style

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

French style

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

Japanese style

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

German style

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

Italian style

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

Russian style

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

Indian style

You have two cows.
You worship both of them.

Taliban style

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

Iraqi style

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

Opdateret d. 14.11.2005