Then Jesus took his disciples up on the mountain and gathered them around him.
And he taught them, saying:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit.  Blessed are the meek.  Blessed are the merciful.  Blessed are you who thirst for justice.  Blessed are you who are persecuted.  Blessed are the peacemakers....”

And Simon Peter said, “Do we have to write this stuff down?”

And Philip said, “Will this be on the test?”

And John said, “Could you repeat everything you just said?”

And Andrew said, “But John the Baptist doesn't make his disciples learn all this stuff?”

And Matthew said, “Huh??”

And Judas said, “What has this got to do with real life?”

Then one of the Pharisees, who was an expert in the law, said, “I don't see any of this in your syllabus.  Do you have a unit plan?  Is there a summary?  Where are the student handouts?  Will there be any follow-up assignments?  Is this thematic?  Does this come with a domain matrix?  How will you assess this?”

And Thomas, who had missed the sermon, came to Jesus privately and said,
“Did we do anything important yesterday?”

And Jesus wept.