Quotes, Aphorisms & One-Liners

The future comes all by itself.  To bring progress about, you have to work.

During his visit to Germany in 1963, JFK uttered the now famous words "Ich bin ein Berliner".  Good thing he visited Berlin.  What if he'd visited Hamburg?

Upon his return home, only to find that his wife was in a fit, the executioner said,
"Here one returns happy from work..."

Portuguese ex-president: "We were close to the abyss, but now we have stepped forward."

When King Hussein of Jordan died, Maria Carey was asked for a comment.  Groping for words, still trying to digest the news, the celebrity singer said, "King Jordan!  What a tragedy!  I don't think there'll ever be another basketball player like him."

Act your age, not your shoe size!
Do only meaningful acts of violence!
Donít get caught with a dead girl or a live boy (Spin City)
Elvis has left the building
If it ainít Baroque, donít fix it
If the brain were simple, man wouldnít have the brains to understand it
If you can't dance to it, it isn't a revolution.
In a world without fences who needs Gates?
Itís as easy as herding cats
I want a woman who doesnít wear all her gold in her mouth
Jesus saves, but Jordan scores on the rebound
Must a mute be read his Miranda rights?

Organizers of a course in orgasm were very disappointed at the attendance.
... It turned out that 75% of the women enrolled had just pretended theyíd come.

Out of eye, out of mind. Does that mean that shortsighted people are stupid?
Please look at my (anatomy) while I think of something interesting to say (Cher)
She sings, Iím the sex symbol (Sonny, about Cher)
The only thing new is the history you donít know (US Pres. Harry S. Truman)
The only people that do anything good in this world are whores and bartenders
The spirit is strong, but the flesh is weak = the whisky was OK, but the meat was bad
They may dose, but they never close (American movie)
This dress reveals more than Iíve got (Cher)
Why not commit an act of kindness today?

Senators William B. Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of
Hawaii sponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of
church bells to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S.
Table Tennis Team after its tour of Communist China.

The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing
the Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill.

Answers from questionnaires:

Q: Have you lived in [name of place] all your life?
A: Not yet, I hope.

Q: Where were you born?
A: In my motherís bed - I wanted to be near my mother.

Q: Sex?
A: Occasionally.

Q: Any sex-related problems?
A: Is not having any a problem?

Elegant ways of expressingÖ

a) that sb is Fascist/racist/Ö

                                                Iíd love to listen to your [Fascist/racist/Ö] ramblings,
                                                but I just donít have the time to throw up right now.

b) that

Updated January 2001