JOKES

They say that there are but seven original jokes.
If so, storytellers certainly know how to vary their material,
for we keep laughing.
   Of all the funny jokes in the world I've chosen a few that
somehow have got stuck in my mind.  They may not be the very
best of jokes, but now you're here, you might as well read on.
   The new ones first:


A Nation of Mercenary Souls
Dead Ringers
No Ticket
The Hitch-Hiker





A Nation of Mercenary Souls
(This one was told to me by my former headmaster, but I don't know if it's a true story.  It is, however, a wonderful example of Danish wit in this country of mercenary souls who, luckily, also have the ability to stand back and look at ourselves at arm's length.)



One Christmas not too long ago a Danish diplomat posted in Washington received a call from one of the major networks asking him to contribute to a survey of wishes for the upcoming Christmas.

Reluctantly he agreed to be interviewed, and on their arrival the crew were shown into his study where he appeared very modest and in every way proved to be a true Dane, almost a little shy.
   On their request for a Christmas wish he kept declining the offer until he finally agreed saying, "All right, if you insist, just send me a bottle of good wine."

That same night on TV he could watch a line of ambassadors expressing their wishes for Christmas: the Russian Ambassador wishing for prosperity to all of mankind; the English Ambassador praying for peace on earth…

Before it was his turn, the Dane switched off and started thinking of his future career.


Dead Ringers
(I forgot where I picked up this one. I think it was at www.jokeaday.com)

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringers job.

The bishop was incredulous.

"You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man, "Observe!"

He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.

Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed to his side.  When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.  As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,

"Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name,"

the bishop replied sadly,

"but his face rings a bell."
 

 ..........but wait, there's more...
 

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist (now there's a trivia question), the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.  I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot.  Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

"What has happened?", the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"
 
 
 
 

[Wait for it...]
 
 
 
 

"I don't know his name,"

sighed the distraught bishop,

"but he's a dead ringer for his brother."


No Ticket

As you may know Pope John Paul II takes an ardent interest in cars and racing.
   So, when he came to Denmark on a stop over at the international airport in Copenhagen and was picked up in a smart limo, he quickly persuaded the driver to change seats with him and hot-rod'ed along on the freeway.

The Pope was speeding along when he was spotted by a motor cycle cop who eventually managed to pull him over.
   On seeing who was in the car he got so surprised that he didn't know what to do and called the Chief of Police for advice.

As he was stuttering his report about the people in the car, the Commissioner broke him off and asked,

- Who is it? Is it the Commissioner?
- No, no.
- Is it the Prince again? The Queen?
- No, but...
- Who is it then? Tell me man!
- Well. I don't know exactly, sputtered the cop, but the Pope is his driver.


The Hitch-Hiker
(my father told me this one)

One rainy night a guy on a motorbike gives
a hitch-hiker a lift. When the hiker complains
that he is cold, the biker tells him to turn
his coat so the buttons are in the back.

Both bend their heads and race off into the rain.

Unaccustomed to riding a bike the hiker falls off,
which the biker doesn't notice at first,
but when he finds out, he turns back to look
for his passenger. On returning he sees a group
of people standing near the body of the hiker,
lying on the road.

"What's happened, is he OK?" asks the biker.

"Well, he was all right when we found him,"
one of the bystanders replies.
"It wasn't until we turned his head right that he
gave a jerk and died."


(more to come)